the cheated rose.

a reflective piece.

When you’ve been cheated on,

In each romantic relationship you’ve experienced,

It alters your brain chemistry to say the least.

Instead of focusing on “Why me?”

“Why her?”

And “Woe is me”

I’ve realized,

I placed myself in those circumstances.

If I was a rose in a garden.

I was with dry soil.

I was wilting,

and I cried for rain to water me.

And instead,

Thorns grew.

I ignored the signs.

Some signs were verbal.

And some were actions.

But still,

I continued to beg to be loved.

I put my heart on my sleeve and asked, please.

Love me.

It was brave of my past self to believe I could change someone.

Brave of me to believe that I could prove my worth,

And to believe that one day,

They would wake up and choose me.

The tumultuous emotion of unrequited love,

Ate me up inside.

Until they would say one phrase.

Or do one thing.

That struck a cord in my heart.

And let my spirit know clearly,

This person will never love me

In the way that I deserve to be loved.

When I think of how hard I showed love

Before that love was truly given back to me,

The heartbreak started long before I could realize it.

Small cracks in my soul.

Banter that was truly just them picking on me.

And me, fighting for my life to have a sly comeback.

I had a pattern of being around people,

Who said comments to me that made me feel so badly

About myself.

And they would disguise it as humor.

Hearing “You can’t take a joke.”

Made me swallow up any negative feeling I had,

And smother my emotion with a pillow until it suffocated.

I wish past me focused on loving myself more.

Instead of chasing an invisible love from others.

Instead of asking for permission to simply be.

I understand why I sought out for external love so hard.

The loss of my mother and brother,

Drove me down the dark, dreary, depressive road.

And escaping the dark at that time meant feeling something,

Anything but what I felt alone, inside.

Escaping meant fitting in.

But that didn’t leave room for me to find out

Who I truly was.

Thank God that eventually,

All of it was stripped away from me.

I was fighting for people and things,

That would never fight for me.

I had to face my sadness and accept myself

Exactly as I am

Before anyone could ever truly accept me.

In deep reflection of all of my past relationships,

I understand that I lacked standards, boundaries, and self love.

Without someone to tend to me, the one rose in the garden,

Without guidance or a support system,

I put others before myself.

They never truly valued me because I couldn’t see the value in myself.

This was a repeated cycle that only I could put an end to.

I realized that I wanted to be chosen.

With no hesitation.

With honesty.

I wanted to be loved out loud.

So I gave those things to myself.

I chose myself and finally,

Trimming off dying leaves and petals,

The once dark road was illuminated.

And the day the rose thought would never come,

Came.

Someone picked the cheated rose.

And loved me through all of my details.

Watered me intently; just enough to cause steady growth.

Added to my sunshine,

& Encouraged me to shine unapologetically.

Water your soil.

May your growth be abundant.

And may a garden grow around you.

May the sunshine,

Source,

Uplift you when you are in need.

- The Flesh Out.